I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Randomize
