I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
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