I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
I could fuck to npr.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Randomize
