i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
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