Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
