Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
