i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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