I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
