It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
