my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
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