i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
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