I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
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