He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
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