I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
Blood and glitter go together right?
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
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