At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
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