tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
