Redeem this text for a blowjob
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
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