I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
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