i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
Randomize
