well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
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She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
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I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
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