i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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