if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
The ass gains better be worth it
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