Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
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