If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
