your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize
