You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
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