my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
Randomize
