I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Randomize
