and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
