i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
