areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
