Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize