I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
foreskin is a definite game changer
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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