Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
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