She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
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