Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
