i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
