There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
