my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
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