We're facebook friends in real life
I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
