i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
Randomize
