omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
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