WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
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There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
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Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
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