The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
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