Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
