im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
Randomize
