I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Randomize
