All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
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