my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
either way he was missing a nipple.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
