I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
drinking out of a sandbucket again
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
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