Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
Randomize
