yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
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