i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
Its about making memories worth repressing
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
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