but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
