Texts From Last Night

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  (908): View more from New Jersey

  im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs

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  (908): im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs http://tfl.nu/kfrc
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  (303): View more from Colorado

  then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins

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  (303): then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins http://tfl.nu/bn73
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  (845): View more from New York

  I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing

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  (845): I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing http://tfl.nu/4411
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  (516): View more from New York

  On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?

  (201): View more from New Jersey

  Strong 6

  (516): View more from New York

  That's an oxymoron.

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  (516): On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck? (201): Strong 6 (516): That's an oxymoron. http://tfl.nu/n45n
  Replies (32) Good night (1224) Bad night (4222)
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  (+49): View more from Germany

  This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.

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  (+49): This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood. http://tfl.nu/u9vs
  Replies (7) Good night (3717) Bad night (937) Order T-Shirt
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  (813): View more from Florida

  We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.

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  (813): We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response. http://tfl.nu/3ka8
  Replies (16) Good night (7439) Bad night (1266) Order T-Shirt
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  (443): View more from Maryland

  I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me

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  (443): I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me http://tfl.nu/rbbn
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  (617): View more from Massachusetts

  I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.

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  (617): I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night. http://tfl.nu/ytje
  Replies (7) Good night (3887) Bad night (1099) Order T-Shirt
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  (630): View more from Illinois

  she could've warned me his penis was curved

  (708): View more from Illinois

  ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.

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  (630): she could've warned me his penis was curved (708): ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend. http://tfl.nu/vp5d
  Replies (14) Good night (1576) Bad night (4522)
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  (604): View more from British Columbia

  I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment

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  (604): I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment http://tfl.nu/wq23
  Replies (10) Good night (2230) Bad night (969) Order T-Shirt
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  (513): View more from Ohio

  he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"

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  (513): he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you" http://tfl.nu/exld
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  (612): View more from Minnesota

  I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways

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  (612): I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways http://tfl.nu/wwmk
  Replies (0) Good night (1235) Bad night (575) Order T-Shirt
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  (+44): View more from United Kingdom

  This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.

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  (+44): This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats. http://tfl.nu/c5o0
  Replies (14) Good night (894) Bad night (2149)
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  (781): View more from Massachusetts

  Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.

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  (781): Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck. http://tfl.nu/mycr
  Replies (9) Good night (1918) Bad night (458) Order T-Shirt
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  (256): View more from Alabama

  Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.

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  (256): Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people. http://tfl.nu/64sc
  Replies (0) Good night (720) Bad night (140) Order T-Shirt

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