I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
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high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
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I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low