we're blogging at a bar
the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.