Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my j├Ąger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down