Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
27 People Confess The Worst Jobs They’ve Ever Had
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
25 People Confess Their Terrifying Stalker Stories
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.