Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life