What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
