It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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