sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
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