Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
We are two peas in an std pod
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
