i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
