So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Randomize
