Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
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