awww and there was just a proposal on stage with the pussycat dolls !!!!!
Did someone propose they get off the stage?
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
Randomize
