And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
Randomize
