She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
Randomize
