How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
