I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
what the fuck happened to the tacos
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Randomize
