i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
