i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
