I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize
