so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
I just googled if crying burns calories
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
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